1 00:00:32,009 --> 00:00:33,850 Why are you drawing faces on the eggs? 2 00:00:34,150 --> 00:00:37,450 Well, the ones with the mouse going down are the soft ones. 3 00:00:37,670 --> 00:00:41,750 The ones with a little smile are a bit firmer. 4 00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:45,830 And the ones with a big smile are the hard ones. 5 00:00:48,190 --> 00:00:50,210 Put me down for a hopeful grin. 6 00:00:53,030 --> 00:00:55,530 You were wrestling bad last night. 7 00:00:55,810 --> 00:00:58,530 That was your fault. You rolled over and took all the bedclothes. 8 00:00:59,130 --> 00:01:00,109 Did I? 9 00:01:00,110 --> 00:01:01,110 I'm sorry. 10 00:01:02,369 --> 00:01:06,950 Mavis, between you and me, despite any rumours you may have heard to the 11 00:01:06,950 --> 00:01:10,230 contrary, all my life I have slept alone. 12 00:01:11,970 --> 00:01:13,150 Apart from Wilfred. 13 00:01:14,890 --> 00:01:15,890 Who's Wilfred? 14 00:01:16,190 --> 00:01:17,190 My teddy bear. 15 00:01:18,110 --> 00:01:20,770 Well, don't you think it's nice to have someone to chat to? 16 00:01:21,050 --> 00:01:24,230 Around these parts, we often bunk up together to keep warm. 17 00:01:24,550 --> 00:01:26,190 It doesn't work if you pinch the blankets. 18 00:01:27,230 --> 00:01:30,470 You should hug him back again. That's half the fun. 19 00:01:30,670 --> 00:01:32,570 I won't ask what the other half is. 20 00:01:33,290 --> 00:01:35,810 I used to have terrible tussles with the last chef. 21 00:01:36,110 --> 00:01:38,110 He were a quiet lad like you. 22 00:01:39,230 --> 00:01:40,230 Lad, oh. 23 00:01:41,170 --> 00:01:43,010 I haven't heard that for a long time. 24 00:01:43,430 --> 00:01:46,510 I used to bring him out of himself with a pillow fight. 25 00:01:46,790 --> 00:01:48,930 You know how to get on with people, don't you? 26 00:01:49,230 --> 00:01:51,630 Well, I always say people is like houses. 27 00:01:51,930 --> 00:01:54,690 You never know who lives in them till you knocks at the door. 28 00:01:54,910 --> 00:01:57,910 No, well, people have knocked, but my mother's always answered. 29 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:01,560 of milk. 30 00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:02,820 They'll be with him in the corner. 31 00:02:03,360 --> 00:02:05,620 Morning, Mr. Humphrey. Good morning, Miss France. 32 00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:07,240 And how are you this morning? 33 00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:09,600 Are you drunk because I pinched all the blankets? 34 00:02:10,580 --> 00:02:12,500 It's not what you think, Miss France. 35 00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:15,400 It's not just what I think. We all think it. 36 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:18,180 Apparently it's quite normal in the country. 37 00:02:18,640 --> 00:02:20,200 You'd think they'd wait to be asked. 38 00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:24,280 Mr. Slocum's on a terrible date about going to court today. 39 00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:28,200 Well, I blame Captain Peacock. He should never have let Mrs. Slocum move that 40 00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:29,860 gypsy horse and cart on her own. 41 00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:32,170 I don't know. understand what made the old bolt. 42 00:02:32,570 --> 00:02:34,570 It probably looked round, so it was driving. 43 00:02:38,130 --> 00:02:43,290 Morning, Captain Peacock. You look very formal. 44 00:02:43,550 --> 00:02:46,830 I haven't seen you wear that suit since you were the floor walker at Grace 45 00:02:46,830 --> 00:02:51,310 Brothers. I'm a key witness in the case of the Crown versus Mrs. Slocum. 46 00:02:54,090 --> 00:02:55,490 Oh, blimey. 47 00:02:56,430 --> 00:02:57,430 Crippin's bird. 48 00:02:58,990 --> 00:03:01,990 Come and sit down, Mrs. Slocum. I've just made a pot of tea. 49 00:03:02,230 --> 00:03:03,230 Oh, thank you. 50 00:03:03,490 --> 00:03:07,470 It's only a country court, you know, Mrs. Slocum. It's not Nuremberg. 51 00:03:09,370 --> 00:03:13,870 Oh, it's all so humiliating. It's the first time I've been in court. 52 00:03:14,450 --> 00:03:17,150 What about that time you was legless in Bellydorm? 53 00:03:17,590 --> 00:03:21,190 And you knocked that policeman's ass off, fired his pistol in the air and 54 00:03:21,190 --> 00:03:22,790 shouted out, Franco the Bert. 55 00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:29,400 Franco was very unpopular at the time. I was merely excited. Expressing the will 56 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:30,400 of the people. 57 00:03:30,580 --> 00:03:33,200 Oh, you do look smart, Captain Peacock. 58 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:35,180 You'll make a right stir in the court. 59 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:39,060 They only get drunk for the rule, or dad for sheep worrying. 60 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:41,280 I didn't know he had a dog. 61 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:44,560 He hasn't, but he worries them quite a lot all the same. 62 00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:48,320 Good morning. 63 00:03:48,420 --> 00:03:49,420 Don't get up. 64 00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:54,740 I have some good news. Mrs. Thorpe, Thorpe and Thorpe. 65 00:03:54,990 --> 00:03:59,330 Mr. Gracie's family solicitors have agreed to conduct the case on our 66 00:03:59,490 --> 00:04:00,490 Who have they appointed? 67 00:04:00,610 --> 00:04:01,610 Mr. Thorpe. 68 00:04:01,870 --> 00:04:04,430 I would have thought a local man was better qualified. 69 00:04:04,770 --> 00:04:08,810 I decided the bench would be more impressed by a London firm. The whole 70 00:04:08,810 --> 00:04:12,250 ridiculous. The case will be thrown out in two minutes. It should never have 71 00:04:12,250 --> 00:04:13,250 been brought. 72 00:04:14,830 --> 00:04:18,649 Sorry to barge in when you got your snopes in the trough. 73 00:04:20,269 --> 00:04:21,910 Have you seen the papers? 74 00:04:22,510 --> 00:04:23,510 You lot. 75 00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:25,600 Page headline news. 76 00:04:26,340 --> 00:04:27,580 Oh, let's have a look. 77 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:31,700 Pensioner in rumpus over stolen car. 78 00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:35,940 Oh, they must be referring to that gypsy. 79 00:04:36,540 --> 00:04:38,000 Do they mention me? 80 00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:40,260 Yes. You're the pensioner. 81 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,380 You've had your photo took. 82 00:04:43,780 --> 00:04:47,900 He snapped you on the cart passing the post office. 83 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:52,260 Is it a good likeness? It's good of your bloomers. 84 00:04:59,530 --> 00:05:01,930 Well, don't worry, Mrs. Slocum, they can't see your face. 85 00:05:02,310 --> 00:05:03,990 Could be anybody's bloomers. 86 00:05:04,570 --> 00:05:05,570 Mrs. 87 00:05:06,290 --> 00:05:10,690 Slocum of Millstone Manor was yesterday arrested and charged with taking away a 88 00:05:10,690 --> 00:05:14,390 totter's cart without consent and driving it in a dangerous manner. 89 00:05:14,990 --> 00:05:20,510 Mrs. Slocum refused to give her age, but the Mercury reporter recovered her bus 90 00:05:20,510 --> 00:05:21,950 pass from the floor of the ship. 91 00:05:23,830 --> 00:05:26,130 When charged, she replied... 92 00:05:26,350 --> 00:05:29,070 It was an accident, and I am unanimous in that. 93 00:05:29,770 --> 00:05:30,790 Always a bit more. 94 00:05:31,050 --> 00:05:35,350 A witness, Corporal Peacock... A misprint. 95 00:05:36,130 --> 00:05:37,270 Age 37? 96 00:05:40,250 --> 00:05:41,430 Another misprint. 97 00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:46,390 Said he had warned her against taking the cart, but she had ignored his 98 00:05:46,790 --> 00:05:49,770 Oh, how could you? I said nothing of the kind. 99 00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:55,030 I said that I advised Corton when moving the cart, and that you didn't take any 100 00:05:55,030 --> 00:06:00,180 notice. This is trial by media. We should complain to the press council. 101 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:02,420 Well, you'll be up before Sir Robert. 102 00:06:02,700 --> 00:06:05,120 He's ever so strict, but he's fair. 103 00:06:05,420 --> 00:06:06,880 He's master of the foxhounds. 104 00:06:07,860 --> 00:06:11,780 I don't suppose he'll let the fact that you're cat ruin the uncount against you. 105 00:06:13,340 --> 00:06:15,460 Hasn't anyone answered the phone around here? 106 00:06:15,780 --> 00:06:16,960 We didn't hear it ring. 107 00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:19,660 I was having a bath. I had to climb out all wet. 108 00:06:20,060 --> 00:06:21,580 Very charming you look, too. 109 00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:24,240 Did anyone order a taxi? 110 00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:25,520 Yes, I did. 111 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:27,860 Well, it's not coming. Apparently, the big N's gone. 112 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:29,120 That's very serious. 113 00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:32,300 Well, how are we going to get to the court? 114 00:06:32,820 --> 00:06:36,560 I suppose I could ferry you one by one on my motorcycle, if it's any help. 115 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:38,720 My dad's got market this morning. 116 00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:40,140 He could give you a lift. 117 00:06:40,460 --> 00:06:42,280 What time's he leaving? In about ten minutes. 118 00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:44,140 I'll tell him to wait for you in the yard. 119 00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:47,900 Well, I, for one, will be only too pleased to take advantage of your kind 120 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:49,500 Miss Loveler. I'll get him to my leather. 121 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:50,760 Have you got any? 122 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:52,580 No, no, no. I'll go as I am. 123 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:54,000 Where shall I meet you? 124 00:06:54,300 --> 00:06:55,340 Behind the bike shed. 125 00:06:57,080 --> 00:06:58,180 Happy days. 126 00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:05,080 Love, love. 127 00:07:06,740 --> 00:07:07,740 Love, love. 128 00:07:26,540 --> 00:07:28,280 at the start of the World Championship. 129 00:07:28,660 --> 00:07:29,860 And off away they go. 130 00:07:30,100 --> 00:07:34,020 T -Clock, a magnificent star, despite the fact he's the oldest man in the race 131 00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:35,020 at 37. 132 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:36,940 At my word, he's on ahead like a teenager. 133 00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:40,020 With a nerve of iron, he goes into the first corner. 134 00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:44,220 The man who's taught Barry Sheen everything he knows is leading the 135 00:07:44,220 --> 00:07:47,860 machine, of course, prepared by the mechanic Jessica Ludlock, with whom it 136 00:07:47,860 --> 00:07:49,400 said he has a romantic attachment. 137 00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:53,940 Can he keep up this amazing daredevil performance for 100 drooling laps? 138 00:07:54,250 --> 00:07:57,130 There's no doubt about it. There's only one name that's going to be on 139 00:07:57,130 --> 00:07:59,010 everyone's lips this season. Captain Peter? 140 00:08:00,170 --> 00:08:02,190 Are you Mr. Thorpe? 141 00:08:02,410 --> 00:08:05,710 No, no, but I've always been a keen follower of the sport. 142 00:08:06,070 --> 00:08:07,850 That hat won't do, I'm afraid. 143 00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:09,070 Oh, no, of course not. 144 00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:13,970 What's that? 145 00:08:15,070 --> 00:08:16,070 What fun. 146 00:08:16,210 --> 00:08:17,930 Now hold me firmly. 147 00:08:19,130 --> 00:08:20,430 Keep your body relaxed. 148 00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:22,390 Don't stiffen up. 149 00:08:26,700 --> 00:08:28,280 to give you a chance to get the feel of it. 150 00:08:29,220 --> 00:08:30,220 Visors down. 151 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:31,480 Here we go. 152 00:08:59,950 --> 00:09:01,130 Peacock, you can let go now. 153 00:09:02,290 --> 00:09:03,490 Captain Peacock. 154 00:09:04,690 --> 00:09:05,770 Captain Peacock. 155 00:09:05,970 --> 00:09:07,130 Are you still in there? 156 00:09:07,510 --> 00:09:11,090 I told you not to stiffen up. 157 00:09:12,350 --> 00:09:16,830 On second thoughts, Miss Lovelock, I think I'll take your alternative choice. 158 00:09:22,810 --> 00:09:25,690 Dad's just coming. He had trouble getting it going. 159 00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:36,460 going in that for a start, and I am unanimous in that. 160 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:38,980 Sorry to keep you waiting. 161 00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:43,000 I had to use the handle and the appliance slipped. 162 00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:45,220 Is there anything we can do? 163 00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:48,540 Nah. Doctor said it's best left alone. 164 00:09:49,540 --> 00:09:51,800 Now let's get those sour boards. 165 00:09:52,220 --> 00:09:55,000 Thank you to keep a civil tongue in your head, Mr. McGregor. 166 00:09:55,380 --> 00:09:57,500 Dad, he's the one who'll take it to market. 167 00:09:58,360 --> 00:10:00,460 Now, give me Anne with the piglets. 168 00:10:00,860 --> 00:10:05,040 Right. You lot... Hand this side of the wire, and I'll hand them to you. 169 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:07,220 Dad must lift everywhere. 170 00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:13,160 He must be adjusting his appliance. 171 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:37,580 Now then, come on. 172 00:10:38,500 --> 00:10:39,500 Come on. 173 00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:45,080 Do you know, it's that putting me off bacon. 174 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,780 There you are. 175 00:10:51,220 --> 00:10:52,220 Oh, 176 00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:55,000 fancy travelling with pigs. 177 00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:57,320 Well, anything's better than the bacon loon line. 178 00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:03,320 Captain Peacock, I thought you were travelling by motorcycle. I gave up my 179 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:04,299 to Mr. Rumble. 180 00:11:04,300 --> 00:11:05,300 Where's the car? 181 00:11:05,580 --> 00:11:06,580 This is it. 182 00:11:07,220 --> 00:11:08,240 All aboard! 183 00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:10,480 I do this under protest. 184 00:11:11,340 --> 00:11:12,340 What's that noise? 185 00:11:12,620 --> 00:11:14,860 That's the pigs. Dad's taken them to market. 186 00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:17,900 I wouldn't sit down if I were you. 187 00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:50,200 A tale of two cities, when the aristocrats were being taken under 188 00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:51,420 meet Madame Guillotine. 189 00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:54,320 Yes, I bet it punged in them days and all. 190 00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:57,280 How's the fence? 191 00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:00,660 I hope they're enjoying the journey. 192 00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:02,000 It's very relaxed. 193 00:12:05,580 --> 00:12:08,520 Good morning. 194 00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:11,620 Good morning, Mr. Doctor. Good morning, Mr. Doctor. Mrs. 195 00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:14,940 Slocum. We always seem to meet in sad circumstances. 196 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:16,279 Is everything ready? 197 00:12:16,280 --> 00:12:20,580 Well, it's not the usual type of litigation handled by Thorpe, Thorpe and 198 00:12:20,580 --> 00:12:25,060 Thorpe. Normally, we deal in divorce, rent arrears, that sort of thing. 199 00:12:25,220 --> 00:12:27,940 I think I've prepared a pretty good case. And what is it? 200 00:12:28,180 --> 00:12:29,180 That would be guilty. 201 00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:35,660 Mr. Thorpe, I refuse to have a stain on my escutcheon by pleading guilty. 202 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:40,860 I was merely removing a horse that was obstructed. in the highway. 203 00:12:41,220 --> 00:12:45,940 Ah, well, there was a similar case some time ago when a horse was removed in 204 00:12:45,940 --> 00:12:47,000 like circumstances. 205 00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,080 Crown versus Turpin. 206 00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:52,040 What was the judgment? 207 00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:54,340 He was hanged at Tyburn. 208 00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:57,660 Attracted a pretty good crowd, I believe. 209 00:12:57,980 --> 00:13:00,960 I don't know why you just don't go in there and tell them you didn't know the 210 00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:04,060 horse was a nutter, otherwise you'd never have tried to shift it in the 211 00:13:04,060 --> 00:13:05,060 place. 212 00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:10,840 Mrs. Slocum, I'd hardly like to ask this, but have you any previous 213 00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:12,680 Yes, one in Benidorm. 214 00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:16,860 I was referring to this country. 215 00:13:17,140 --> 00:13:22,980 Well, some years ago I was walking the streets of Soho. You 216 00:13:22,980 --> 00:13:26,300 were on the game. 217 00:13:28,620 --> 00:13:35,120 Let me finish, Mr Thorne. I was walking the streets of Soho looking for a taxi 218 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:41,240 with my... Then Mrs Axelbeer and we bumped into a policeman and 219 00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:42,660 knocked off his helmet. 220 00:13:42,980 --> 00:13:44,020 Just like Benidorm. 221 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:46,000 Shut up. 222 00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:52,160 Unfortunately, he was a young, inexperienced policeman and very 223 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:54,660 thought we were tipsy. And what happened? 224 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:56,540 Forty shillings and a caution. 225 00:13:57,380 --> 00:14:00,500 Are you sure you don't want to plead guilty? 226 00:14:00,860 --> 00:14:01,860 Certainly not. 227 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:04,800 Mrs Slocum is a fine, upstanding member of this community. 228 00:14:05,180 --> 00:14:06,340 Thank you, Captain Peacock. 229 00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,340 Except when she's had a few gins. 230 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:14,880 Sorry we're late. I was getting into my leathers. 231 00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:17,460 Blimey, he's wearing a whole cow. 232 00:14:18,500 --> 00:14:21,760 The magistrates are about to take their seats, Mr Thorpe. Oh, thank you very 233 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:26,620 much. Well, good luck, Mrs Slocum. You stay out here, Captain Peacock. You're 234 00:14:26,620 --> 00:14:27,620 our star witness. 235 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:30,660 What's already got a criminal record for speeding? 236 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:33,580 Court will rise. 237 00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:45,780 Call Mrs. 238 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,900 E. Slocum. Mrs. E. Slocum. 239 00:15:00,860 --> 00:15:01,860 Hey! 240 00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:03,520 You! 241 00:15:03,860 --> 00:15:04,860 Stand up. 242 00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:07,180 What, me? Yes, you. 243 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:11,800 I'm telling you here and now that I won't stand for any nonsense from you 244 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:12,800 angels type. 245 00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:17,380 The first hint of a disturbance and you're out of this court and into the 246 00:15:17,740 --> 00:15:18,740 Is that clear? 247 00:15:18,880 --> 00:15:22,200 I think you've got quite the wrong impression. Don't argue with me. Well, 248 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:23,720 it. I'll take him out. Take him out. 249 00:15:26,860 --> 00:15:30,780 It's ridiculous for someone of your age to dress like that. 250 00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:33,160 Damned beatniks. 251 00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:37,380 Doing very well so far. 252 00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:39,340 Are you Mrs. E. 253 00:15:39,660 --> 00:15:42,880 Slocum of Millstone Manor? I am she. 254 00:15:43,540 --> 00:15:47,840 Are we allowed to see the accused's face, or is there some feature of her 255 00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:50,600 physiognomy that she does not wish the world to see? 256 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:53,780 Mrs. Slocum, would you remove the veil? 257 00:15:55,480 --> 00:16:00,640 The charge is that on the 25th day of this month, at approximately midday, you 258 00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:04,620 did drive away one horse and cart without the consent of the owner. 259 00:16:05,180 --> 00:16:06,880 Do you plead guilty or not guilty? 260 00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:08,160 Not guilty. 261 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:10,040 Inspector. 262 00:16:10,740 --> 00:16:14,500 I intend to call only one witness on the first charge, Your Worship. The owner 263 00:16:14,500 --> 00:16:16,640 of the cart. Call Mr. Joseph Lee. 264 00:16:18,820 --> 00:16:20,200 Mr. Joseph Lee! 265 00:16:23,700 --> 00:16:30,180 I don't give much for Mrs. Slocum's chances with that damn magistrate. He 266 00:16:30,180 --> 00:16:31,400 implied I was a hooligan. 267 00:16:32,110 --> 00:16:35,270 I think I've got a case for slander. I'm absolutely boiling. 268 00:16:35,550 --> 00:16:36,950 I'm not surprised in that outfit. 269 00:16:37,610 --> 00:16:39,010 Take your jacket off. 270 00:16:39,730 --> 00:16:42,330 And where were you at the time of the theft of the cart? 271 00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:43,810 I object. 272 00:16:44,250 --> 00:16:47,110 It has not been established that it was stolen. 273 00:16:47,490 --> 00:16:49,470 Are you one of those London lawyers? 274 00:16:50,150 --> 00:16:51,270 Yes, Your Worship. 275 00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:54,510 Well, don't try any of that L .A. law stuff on here. Carry on. 276 00:16:55,690 --> 00:16:57,250 Where were you at the said time? 277 00:16:58,110 --> 00:17:00,610 I was behind the edge, having a clash. 278 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:03,760 What was that? 279 00:17:03,820 --> 00:17:05,980 He was, um, trimming the head. 280 00:17:06,740 --> 00:17:11,900 Did you give your consent to this lady driving away your vehicle? Certainly 281 00:17:12,180 --> 00:17:13,540 Nothing further, your worship. 282 00:17:13,980 --> 00:17:17,680 Your turn, Mr. Pop. And get on with it. We don't want to be here all day. 283 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:20,280 No questions. 284 00:17:20,780 --> 00:17:21,780 Just a minute. 285 00:17:23,140 --> 00:17:24,560 I've got a question. 286 00:17:24,859 --> 00:17:27,400 His horse was blocking the highway. 287 00:17:28,250 --> 00:17:32,930 And how does he know if he was behind the hedge doing what he says he was 288 00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:36,110 that it was me and not somebody that looked like me? 289 00:17:36,570 --> 00:17:37,870 We know damn well it was you. 290 00:17:38,070 --> 00:17:39,490 There's nobody else like you. 291 00:17:41,370 --> 00:17:44,330 I intend to call no further witnesses on the first charge, Your Worship. 292 00:17:44,530 --> 00:17:45,389 Stand down. 293 00:17:45,390 --> 00:17:50,630 Mr. Thorpe. By way of rebutting this incident, I want to show that the whole 294 00:17:50,630 --> 00:17:53,730 sorry affair was entirely accidental. 295 00:17:54,410 --> 00:17:56,370 May I call Captain Peacock? 296 00:17:56,620 --> 00:17:58,040 Call Captain Peacock. 297 00:17:58,500 --> 00:17:59,720 Captain Peacock. 298 00:18:00,980 --> 00:18:02,100 Good luck, Peacock. 299 00:18:02,340 --> 00:18:03,780 Don't let them browbeat you. 300 00:18:05,900 --> 00:18:09,480 You'll be pleased to hear I got a good price for the pigs. 301 00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:12,280 Well done. 302 00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:16,640 Surprised to see you not in court, Mr Rumbles? 303 00:18:17,300 --> 00:18:19,940 Well, I decided to wait out here. 304 00:18:21,980 --> 00:18:26,500 Before we start, I think it would be helpful if we referred to your war 305 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:29,780 I returned with the rank of Honorary Captain. 306 00:18:30,100 --> 00:18:31,980 Navy? No, Army. 307 00:18:32,780 --> 00:18:35,840 Captain Peacock served with Alexander. 308 00:18:36,260 --> 00:18:37,880 In the Ragtime Band. 309 00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:41,620 General Alexander. 310 00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:44,780 And Montgomery, and Eisenhower. 311 00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:50,800 Captain Peacock had a most distinguished record until he was invalidated out. 312 00:18:51,180 --> 00:18:56,820 just before the final assault on Tobruk with, um, an ingrowing toenail. 313 00:18:59,100 --> 00:19:04,000 I'm surprised he hasn't mentioned his hand -to -hand combat with Rommel. I 314 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:05,640 that just comes out at the Christmas party. 315 00:19:06,660 --> 00:19:07,660 Keep going. 316 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:12,860 Captain Peacock's been speaking for 20 minutes and hasn't said anything. 317 00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:17,260 One of the lady magistrates has just been woken up by Sir Robert. 318 00:19:17,660 --> 00:19:19,820 I stumbled over with a pheasant, Dad. 319 00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:21,240 Well done. 320 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:25,900 We'll slip it to the clerk and he can give it to Sir Robert. 321 00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:29,420 Good heavens, you're not trying to fix the magistrate. 322 00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:32,320 We do things different in the country. 323 00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:35,800 Well, I hope you'll be discreet about it. 324 00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:38,080 Oh, don't you worry. 325 00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:41,680 Don't you... Thank you, thank you. 326 00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:45,740 I would now like to call Mr. Humphrey as a character witness. 327 00:19:47,850 --> 00:19:49,630 Whose character are we talking about? 328 00:19:50,650 --> 00:19:51,830 Mrs. Slocum. 329 00:19:52,130 --> 00:19:53,210 That's all right, then. 330 00:19:56,170 --> 00:19:59,130 Name? Wilberforce Claiborne Humphreys. 331 00:20:00,530 --> 00:20:04,130 You weren't under Alexander Montgomery and Eisenhower, were you? 332 00:20:04,410 --> 00:20:06,210 No, no, no. I kept myself to myself. 333 00:20:08,390 --> 00:20:10,590 As a matter of fact, I was in the boys' brigade. 334 00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:13,910 Have you known Mrs. Slocum a long time? 335 00:20:14,190 --> 00:20:15,430 Oh, years and years. 336 00:20:15,910 --> 00:20:16,910 And years. 337 00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:22,100 Years and years and years and years. Not that long, Mr. Humphreys. 338 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,500 We started at Grace Brothers together. 339 00:20:24,900 --> 00:20:28,260 In those days, she was in bras and I was in socks and white rugs. 340 00:20:29,820 --> 00:20:31,700 Were you living with a woman? 341 00:20:32,260 --> 00:20:33,260 No, no. 342 00:20:33,860 --> 00:20:35,360 No, that was our work. 343 00:20:35,940 --> 00:20:40,340 And may I say that Mrs. Slocum is as honest as the day is long and would 344 00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:42,960 tell a lie, and I state my reputation on that. 345 00:20:43,580 --> 00:20:45,160 Bango's the case for the defense. 346 00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:49,320 Mrs. Thorpe's making rather heavy weather of it. 347 00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:51,700 Call Miss Shirley Brahms. 348 00:20:52,220 --> 00:20:55,800 Oh, God, he's calling Miss Brahms now. She's bound to put her foot in it. 349 00:20:56,260 --> 00:20:59,040 Name? Shirley Brahms, Your Grace. 350 00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:07,760 Now, 351 00:21:08,380 --> 00:21:10,540 Miss Brahms, you've known Mrs. 352 00:21:10,740 --> 00:21:12,560 Slocum for a very long time. 353 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:14,360 Oh, not another one. 354 00:21:16,620 --> 00:21:17,620 to wear together. 355 00:21:17,980 --> 00:21:21,460 And if she said she didn't done it, then she didn't done it. 356 00:21:21,660 --> 00:21:26,200 I would take her word any day against that bloke who was behind the edge doing 357 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:27,920 whatever it was he said he was doing. 358 00:21:28,500 --> 00:21:33,640 Mind you, after a few gins, she is game for a prank. 359 00:21:34,300 --> 00:21:38,060 But this day, she hasn't had a baby or nothing. 360 00:21:39,110 --> 00:21:41,010 Getting into rather deep water here. 361 00:21:41,790 --> 00:21:44,150 But you were marvellous, Captain Peacock. 362 00:21:44,410 --> 00:21:49,210 Would you two cats share your conversation with the rest of the court? 363 00:21:49,210 --> 00:21:50,210 sorry, Your Worship. 364 00:21:50,330 --> 00:21:53,350 Oh, Jessica, I didn't see it was you. 365 00:21:53,570 --> 00:21:55,270 What happened to you yesterday? 366 00:21:56,030 --> 00:21:58,410 I got tossed into a ditch. 367 00:21:58,910 --> 00:22:00,510 Will you be with us this weekend? 368 00:22:01,110 --> 00:22:02,450 If you'll have me, I'd love to. 369 00:22:02,790 --> 00:22:04,610 Can I go? There is the moor. 370 00:22:05,590 --> 00:22:06,930 Oh, Mr. Walter! 371 00:22:15,850 --> 00:22:18,350 I've known her longer than anybody, haven't I? 372 00:22:19,450 --> 00:22:21,930 Name? Morris Moulter. 373 00:22:22,630 --> 00:22:25,270 M -O -U. We know. 374 00:22:26,970 --> 00:22:29,970 He hasn't been worrying the sheep again, has he? 375 00:22:30,630 --> 00:22:33,550 No, Celia. He's in the witness box. 376 00:22:35,310 --> 00:22:38,450 The court has taken note of that, Mr. Moulter. 377 00:22:38,670 --> 00:22:40,410 You've known Mrs. 378 00:22:40,650 --> 00:22:42,810 Slocum a long time, Mr. 379 00:22:43,270 --> 00:22:44,270 Moulter. 380 00:22:44,470 --> 00:22:45,470 You're... 381 00:22:54,380 --> 00:22:54,979 that, Mr. 382 00:22:54,980 --> 00:22:57,720 Moulter? I don't doubt her veracity. 383 00:23:01,340 --> 00:23:02,340 Pardon? 384 00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:05,540 Would you doubt her veracity? 385 00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:09,380 Well, she definitely had it when I first met her. 386 00:23:12,900 --> 00:23:16,160 And would you say she was experienced in country matters? 387 00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:19,180 Very, very experienced. 388 00:23:20,420 --> 00:23:23,300 Oh, yeah. She'd have a go at anything. 389 00:23:28,330 --> 00:23:29,630 Say so, Sir Robert. 390 00:23:30,550 --> 00:23:34,770 I knows what Joe was doing when he left his car. 391 00:23:35,210 --> 00:23:42,010 See, it was on your land he was, and it was your pheasants he was 392 00:23:42,010 --> 00:23:46,930 poaching. I brought one along today as evidence, see? 393 00:23:47,370 --> 00:23:50,250 Excuse me one moment, Mr Thorpe, while we confer. 394 00:23:50,950 --> 00:23:52,150 What's happening now? 395 00:23:52,470 --> 00:23:54,050 They lost me in Arragoth. 396 00:23:54,330 --> 00:23:56,310 We'll have the verdict in a minute. 397 00:23:56,590 --> 00:23:58,090 What do you suppose that will be? 398 00:23:58,330 --> 00:24:01,830 I've no idea. I don't know what sort of sentences they pass in this part of the 399 00:24:01,830 --> 00:24:03,270 country. Agreed. 400 00:24:03,670 --> 00:24:05,350 Hang the bird in the cellar. 401 00:24:12,950 --> 00:24:17,050 I pretend to always be... There's no need, Mr Thorpe. 402 00:24:17,370 --> 00:24:21,110 It's five to one. I think we've heard quite enough of this rigmarole. 403 00:24:21,790 --> 00:24:24,310 Mr Moulton has introduced an element of doubt. 404 00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:26,160 Court adjourned. 405 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:27,800 Court arrived. 406 00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:32,400 There, there, Tiddles. Good night. 407 00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:35,980 Oh, nearly lost his mummy today. 408 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:40,740 And then one would have been an awful little girl. 409 00:24:41,660 --> 00:24:42,660 Oh, sir, yes? 410 00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:45,980 Just me, Mrs. Loke. I'm just coming to say good night. 411 00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:48,940 Oh, aren't you going to sleep in here tonight? 412 00:24:49,220 --> 00:24:50,920 Well, I've dried my bed out now. 413 00:24:51,260 --> 00:24:53,140 But, um, well, I'll stop if you like. 414 00:24:53,740 --> 00:24:55,840 Well, I would appreciate the company. 415 00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:58,280 It's been a very unnerving day. 416 00:24:58,640 --> 00:24:59,359 All right, then. 417 00:24:59,360 --> 00:25:05,020 Mind you, if I should be very restless in my sleep, don't worry. I shall 418 00:25:05,020 --> 00:25:07,880 probably be trying to escape from cell blockade. 419 00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:12,640 Ah, Mrs. Slocum, Miss Brown. 420 00:25:13,060 --> 00:25:16,940 If you should feel nervous during the night after your ordeal, and I'm next 421 00:25:16,940 --> 00:25:18,620 door, you only have to knock. 422 00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:21,380 I'll try to control myself, Captain. 423 00:25:22,380 --> 00:25:28,480 In times of stress, I find it helpful to do what the Tibetans do. They adopt the 424 00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:30,360 lotus position and hum. 425 00:25:31,100 --> 00:25:32,940 There's an illustration of it in this book. 426 00:25:33,220 --> 00:25:37,340 There. Oh, I don't think I could do that. Could you, Miss Brown? 427 00:25:37,580 --> 00:25:40,300 No, not without an ambulance standing by. 428 00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:44,020 Now, it'll only take about ten minutes. I hope I won't disturb you. 429 00:25:44,220 --> 00:25:48,840 You see, each organ of the body responds to a different note when you hum. 430 00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:50,760 Good luck, Captain Peacock. 431 00:26:00,360 --> 00:26:07,340 I wonder which organ that was. 432 00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:12,800 Well, we had the top and the bottom. That was probably somewhere in the 433 00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:14,880 Good night, Miss Bronze. 434 00:26:15,260 --> 00:26:16,320 Good night, Mrs Loken. 435 00:26:37,450 --> 00:26:38,630 Settling in quite well. 436 00:26:39,310 --> 00:26:40,790 I was in court today. 437 00:26:42,130 --> 00:26:44,090 No, that's all behind me. 438 00:26:46,570 --> 00:26:48,710 No, this was a different case. 439 00:26:49,110 --> 00:26:50,530 I wasn't in the dock. 440 00:26:51,550 --> 00:26:52,790 No, I was a witness. 441 00:26:53,310 --> 00:26:54,450 And she got off. 442 00:26:56,210 --> 00:27:00,290 I would have phoned you earlier, but I was putting a bolt on my bedroom door. 443 00:27:01,150 --> 00:27:06,070 Well, it's the farmer's daughter. She tends to wander about a bit at night. 444 00:27:07,660 --> 00:27:09,960 I think she's got hold of the wrong end of the stick. 445 00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:13,040 The stick. 446 00:27:15,940 --> 00:27:16,940 Yes, 447 00:27:17,860 --> 00:27:18,860 the wrong end of it. 448 00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:21,360 Are you on your mobile? 449 00:27:22,380 --> 00:27:25,640 I thought you were. You're getting a lot of interference from your walking 450 00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:26,640 frame. 451 00:27:27,620 --> 00:27:29,320 There's somebody trying to get a taxi. 452 00:27:30,420 --> 00:27:31,420 Hello? 453 00:27:31,620 --> 00:27:32,700 We've been cut off. 454 00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:35,000 Oh, you locked your door! 455 00:27:35,850 --> 00:27:38,330 Well, yes, I'm still not used to sleeping in the country. 456 00:27:38,690 --> 00:27:40,730 I had to come through the spare bathroom. 457 00:27:41,590 --> 00:27:44,970 If you're nervous, I'll lock the bathroom door. No, no, no, that's all 458 00:27:45,430 --> 00:27:48,610 No, you're right. If anything happened during the night, we wouldn't want to 459 00:27:48,610 --> 00:27:49,910 fumble in the dark, would we? 460 00:27:50,210 --> 00:27:51,950 No, we wouldn't, no. 461 00:27:55,490 --> 00:27:58,350 I saw you through the door in court this morning. 462 00:27:58,550 --> 00:28:00,210 You looked ever so handsome. 463 00:28:00,810 --> 00:28:02,190 You probably saw my best side. 464 00:28:02,610 --> 00:28:04,330 Oh, you spoke beautiful. 465 00:28:05,130 --> 00:28:07,050 Just like Nigel Avers. 466 00:28:07,470 --> 00:28:08,990 I've often been told that. 467 00:28:10,270 --> 00:28:13,050 Will you give me electrocution lessons? 468 00:28:14,470 --> 00:28:16,690 You sound very nice as you are. 469 00:28:17,130 --> 00:28:18,710 I think you're lovely. 470 00:28:21,470 --> 00:28:22,470 Good night. 471 00:28:22,910 --> 00:28:23,910 Good night. 472 00:28:25,210 --> 00:28:26,810 Are you going to put the light out? 473 00:28:28,630 --> 00:28:30,190 When I've finished thinking.